Rats from a sinking ship….
Normally when we go away for a few days something truly horrible happens. It’s almost inevitable. Computer meltdowns, robberies, electrical or plumbing problems…. you never know what’s going to happen. After a 5 day sojourn to double-bubble land, I fully anticipated to return to a giant twin craters where the FBW and FBE used to be… but no, all was quiet on the Eastern and Western fronts. WTF?
I was a both relieved and cautiously optimistic that we’d finally broken the travel/disaster cycle that’s plagued us for 13 long years. But, of course, I was completely wrong because during our 120 hour absence, 5 semi-full time staff (out of a total of 6, 7 if you count Nick, but he doesn’t because he’s related and can’t quit) all decided to leave or drastically reduce their hours. We got 2 weeks notice from a couple of people, 2 generous offers to stay on for weekend shifts into September and confirmation of Kris’s plans to head out to Florida at the end of September (which, to be fair, we did know was coming). No, while this trip included Kendall’s semi-annual blender decimation, Niki and Ariel breaking a DVD drawer and Kris setting off the FBE store alarm, nothing of note fell apart.
Between Saturday night and Monday morning however, the exodus emails, phone calls and nervous face-to-face pronouncements of new gigs, school commitments and working for parents came flooding in. Rats from a sinking ship, but strangely after a wobbly 2010, when the mighty HMS Buff was taking on water and listing rather badly. Quite frankly, 2011 has been pretty darn good thus far, but you’d never guess that based on the survival instincts of 80% of our now ex-staff. Part of the problem is Amanda, who, while trying to be nice, fucked us out of Kendall’s continued servitude. Thanks for that Amanda, we’ll email you from Istanbul this winter with photos of the Blue Mosque. It’ll be like you’re right there with us…. only you won’t be. You’ll be renting videos at the Film Buff instead because you can’t keep your damn trap zipped.
Mike Chung, the world’s most-competent man, is heading to a 3-day-a-week gig at BMO to finally take advantage of his business degree. The job has a little rip cord attached where by in September, they’ll decide if the job will continue, expand or shrink. After 2 days, I’m betting he’ll be offered the C.E.O. position. As I’ve said before – give me 100 Mike’s and I could rule the world…… of video.
Niki Ross, who has worked for us since she was in public school, is moving on to work with her pappy and returning to school.
Virginia, after a challenging couple of months, has decided to concentrate on school, getting married and other important stuff.
Kendall is off to work with some stupid library software company and their bozo staff. I thought they were closing all the libraries, but whatever. Crazy like a fox, she plans to keep a foot in the door of the video rental business (in case the Republicans win the 2012 and decide to burn all the books) by working a few weekend shifts at the FBW this fall. Books might be the only business in the world that’s more fucked than home video and Kendall’s immensely qualified in both. Nice career planning there K.
Kris plans an trip of uncertain duration to reside and work in Florida, closer to his Dad and Grandparents. Our loss is Florida’s gain, although the only thing more fucked than books and video….. is the entire state of Florida.
So …. Joe and Jules out at the FBE and Ariel in the FBW. That’s who’s left. I’ve worked out a new schedule and include it below….
Joe (adopted, can’t quit)
FBE Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday – 3 to 10pm
FBE Saturday and Sunday – 12 to 10pm
FBW Friday Noon to 5pm (btw Joe…single time during your 2 hr. overlap with your FBE Friday shift)
Total hours 60 per week
Jules (won’t quit)
FBE Saturday – 5 to 7:30pm
Total hours 2.5 per week
Nick (can’t quit)
FBW Noon to 10pm daily
Total hours: 70 per week
Ariel (doesn’t know she can quit)
FBW 3 to 10pm daily
Total hours: 49 per week
Donna (likely will quit)
FBW 11:30 to 4:30 pm daily
Total hours: 35 per week
Scott (has quit)
FBW Saturday – 7 to 8:30pm
Total hours: 1.5 per week
Best of luck in all your future endeavors kids. You’ll be missed, but for the next week or so, you’re all dead to me.
S
firm, but fair.
for better or worse (better for me, worse for you), you can be fairly certain i’ll be a “go down with the ship” kinda guy. which, with all the ballast we just tossed, may be awhile…hahaha, right? i…hope…(blinks in dumb terror, slowly realizing he has neither an exit strategy nor rrsps…)
here’s a much quicker way to read the above missive:
-a.l. – et tu, leclerc?
-m.c. – selling out’s great, until it’s not, you filthy corporate whore.
-n.r. – obvious oedipal complex
-k.c. – medieval studies + video/library specialist = just wasn’t made for these times
-k.k. – manchild
-v.g. – honestly, thought she quit months ago
-j.r. – has brent on speed dial
-j.p. – friend!
-n.w. – wears indentured servitude well
-s&d – comfortably numb
can we hire jen g. again?
I was laughing away at your summaries ….until I too came to the startling realization that I don’t have an exit strategy or any RRSPs either. Dumb terror ensued as well.
You mean Electra Complex. Okay.
woah. ’nuff said.
What the piss is going on there?
- Chief Rat.